How to Drink Vodka Without Looking Like an Amateur (Or a Lunatic)

Look, we're not here to judge. We've all been there, standing in a kitchen at 11pm, holding a bottle of vodka like it's a hand grenade we're not quite sure how to operate. Do we freeze it? Shake it? Sip it? Mix it with something that definitely shouldn't be mixed with alcohol but will be anyway?

The good news is that drinking vodka doesn't require a PhD in spirits appreciation or a membership to some secret society where everyone wears smoking jackets and discusses "notes." The bad news is that there are a few things you might be doing that make you look like you learned how to drink vodka from a 2003 music video.

So here's your guide to drinking vodka like someone who knows what they're doing, even if you absolutely don't.

The Great Freezer Debate: To Freeze or Not to Freeze?

First things first: should vodka live in the freezer?

The short answer is: it depends on the vodka, and it definitely depends on what you're trying to achieve.

Here's the thing, freezing vodka makes it thicker and smoother going down, which is great if your vodka tastes like paint thinner and you're trying to mask that fact. The cold numbs your taste buds, so you can't taste how rough it is. It's basically the liquid equivalent of "if you can't fix it, hide it."

But if you've got decent vodka (like, say, Dutch Barn ... subtle, we know), freezing it actually masks the flavour you've paid for. It's like buying a nice steak and then covering it in ketchup. Sure, you can do it, but the steak is silently judging you from beyond the grave.

The verdict: Keep good vodka at room temperature or slightly chilled. And if someone tells you there's only one correct answer, they're probably the same person who insists there's a "right way" to load the dishwasher. Just smile and nod.

The Lemon Wedge Situation

Ah yes, the classic lemon wedge. Paired with vodka since time immemorial, or at least since someone at a bar in 1987 needed something to do with their hands.

Here's the truth about lemon wedges: they're training wheels. They're absolutely fine if you need them, but at some point, you might want to try riding without them.

The lemon (or lime, we're not here to police your citrus choices) serves two purposes:

1. It cleanses your palate after a shot
2. It masks the taste of vodka that shouldn't be consumed by humans

If your vodka is smooth enough, you don't actually need the lemon. You can sip it, savour it, maybe even enjoy it. Revolutionary concept, we know.

The verdict: Use citrus if you want to, but if you're automatically reaching for it without thinking, maybe try a sip without it first. You might be pleasantly surprised. Or you might immediately reach for the lemon. Either way, at least you'll know.

Shot Glasses: The Ultimate Rookie Move?

Let's talk about shot glasses for a moment.

Shot glasses have their place. They're great for parties, for groups, for that weird tradition where everyone stands around a table at midnight on someone's birthday and pretends they enjoy doing shots simultaneously. But if you're drinking vodka at home, alone or with friends, in anything other than a social drinking game context, shot glasses might not be your best friend.

Here's why: good vodka isn't meant to be thrown back like you're putting out a fire in your oesophagus. It's meant to be sipped, appreciated, maybe even contemplated if you're feeling philosophical after the second one.

Try this instead: pour your vodka into a proper glass, a tumbler, a rocks glass, even a wine glass if you're feeling fancy. Sip it slowly. Let it breathe a bit. Notice the flavours. With Dutch Barn, you'll actually get apple notes, smoothness, maybe even enjoy the experience rather than enduring it.

The verdict: Shot glasses for shots, proper glasses for sipping. It's not rocket science, but you'd be surprised how many people haven't got the memo.

The "I'll Just Mix It With Everything" Approach

Vodka is famously mixable. It goes with orange juice, cranberry juice, tonic, soda, lime cordial, Red Bull (questionable life choices, but no judgment), and approximately seven thousand other things humans have decided to combine with alcohol.

But here's a thought: if you're always mixing your vodka with something, are you actually enjoying the vodka, or are you just enjoying sugary beverages with alcohol in them?

Again, no judgment. Sometimes you want a vodka cranberry. Sometimes you want a Moscow Mule. Sometimes you want whatever that purple thing is that you can't quite identify but seems to be working.

But occasionally, try your vodka neat or with just a splash of soda water. If you immediately hate it and reach for the cranberry juice, that's fine, at least you know. But you might discover that your vodka actually tastes good on its own, especially if it's made from apples and not whatever industrial process results in paint thinner with a fancy label.

The verdict: Mix when you want to, but don't mix because you have to. There's a difference, and that difference is usually about £20 per bottle.

Temperature: The Goldilocks Zone

We've covered the freezer debate, but what about the rest of the temperature spectrum?

Room temperature vodka is fine, especially if it's good vodka. It lets you taste everything, the good, the bad, and the "why did I buy this at a motorway service station."

Slightly chilled vodka (not frozen, just cold) is often the sweet spot. It's smooth, refreshing, and you can still taste the actual vodka. With Dutch Barn, this is where the apple notes really shine without the alcohol burn overwhelming everything.

Warm vodka is for emergencies only. If your vodka is warm, something has gone terribly wrong with your day, and we're not here to make it worse by judging your choices.

The verdict: Aim for cool to slightly chilled. Keep it in the fridge if you want, but the freezer is optional, not mandatory.

The Sniff Test (Not What You Think)

Professional tasters (yes, that's a real job, and yes, we're all jealous) actually smell vodka before drinking it. Not because they're being pretentious, but because smell is a huge part of taste.

Give your vodka a little swirl in the glass (not too aggressive, you're not auditioning for a wine commercial) and take a sniff. You should smell... well, with most vodkas, you'll smell ethanol and possibly regret. But with decent vodka, especially apple-based vodka, you'll actually smell something pleasant.

If it smells like nail polish remover, you've made poor choices and should probably reconsider your supplier. If it smells like apples with a hint of sweetness, you're on the right track. If it smells like nothing, you've either got COVID or very neutral vodka.

The verdict: Smelling your vodka isn't pretentious if you're actually trying to enjoy it rather than just trying to look sophisticated on Instagram.

The Hydration Situation

Here's the thing nobody tells you about drinking vodka properly: water is your friend.

Not mixed with the vodka (though that's fine too, it's called vodka soda, and it's a legitimate drink). We mean actual water, consumed separately, ideally alternating with your vodka drinks.

This isn't about being boring or sensible. This is about waking up tomorrow and remembering that you had a good time rather than piecing together events from your phone's photo roll and your mate's increasingly concerning text messages.

The verdict: One glass of water for every vodka drink. Your future self will thank you, possibly in writing.

The Speed Question

Vodka isn't a race. It's not about who can finish their drink fastest or who can do the most shots before midnight.

If you're sipping good vodka, sip it slowly. Savour it. Have a conversation between sips. Enjoy the fact that you're drinking something that actually tastes good rather than something you're trying to get down as quickly as possible before your taste buds realise what's happening.

If you're doing shots, well, speed is kind of the point. But maybe ask yourself why you're doing shots. Is it a celebration? A tradition? Peer pressure? An attempt to forget something? The answer matters less than the acknowledgment that you're making a conscious choice.

The verdict: Sip quality, shoot quantity. Or don't shoot at all. You're an adult (presumably), and you can make your own decisions.

The "But How Do Russians Do It?" Question

Someone always brings this up. "But Russians drink vodka neat, at room temperature, in one gulp!"

Yes, they do. They also have centuries of cultural context, traditional drinking rituals, and zakuski (snacks) to accompany the vodka. You, standing in your kitchen in Leeds on a Tuesday night, are not operating in the same cultural context.

It's fine to be inspired by Russian vodka traditions. It's less fine to use "but Russians do it" as an excuse for questionable drinking habits. Russians also don't drink vodka with lemon wedges, but they're not wrong for that, they just have different preferences.

The verdict: Respect the traditions, but adapt them to your own context. You don't need to pretend you're in a Moscow bar when you're actually in your flat watching Netflix.

The Social Element

Here's something people forget: vodka is social. It's meant to be shared, discussed, enjoyed with others.

If you're drinking alone, that's fine (no judgment) but maybe consider inviting a friend over occasionally. Vodka tastes better when you're laughing with someone, debating whether the freezer method is valid, and arguing about which mixer is superior (it's tonic, obviously, but we're open to other opinions).

And if you're going to share vodka with friends, maybe share decent vodka. Nothing says "I value our friendship" quite like not serving your mates something that requires three chasers and a face like you've bitten into a lemon.

The verdict: Share good vodka with good people. Life's too short for bad vodka and people who don't appreciate you.

The Bottom Line

Drinking vodka properly isn't about following arbitrary rules or pretending you're more sophisticated than you are. It's about:

• Choosing vodka that actually tastes good (apple-based is a solid start)
• Serving it at a temperature where you can taste it
• Using proper glassware if you're sipping, not shooting
• Mixing when you want to, not because you have to
• Staying hydrated like a responsible adult
• Enjoying the experience rather than just enduring it

Dutch Barn makes this easier because our vodka is actually smooth enough to sip, versatile enough to mix, and made from real apples rather than whatever mystical grain process results in something that tastes like industrial solvent.

So whether you're a neat sipper, a mixer enthusiast, or somewhere in between, just remember: the best way to drink vodka is the way you enjoy it. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something, probably a book about vodka appreciation that costs £30 and contains information you could have got from this blog post.

Now if you'll excuse us, we have some very important vodka quality control testing to do. For research purposes, obviously. Purely professional.

Cheers (responsibly),

The Dutch Barn Team

(Teaching you to drink vodka properly since... well, since you started reading this blog post about five minutes ago)